my last 24 hours is crap

Let’s just jump right in and talk about how I want to redo the last 24 hours, shall we? I am so mad at myself and feel like such an idiot that I may as well just share it. Sharing is caring. And in this sense, hopefully cathartic because I was legit crying along with Kellan *and* Hunter on the way home.

Let me back up a minute…

So, yesterday…..no. Wait. Let me start with what’s really going on here, other than my apparent inability to not make ridiculous mistakes.

So, when we bought our house, we knew we had a small garage. It is a two-car garage but it is just BARELY a two-car garage. And the thing we didn’t know was how awkward it would be to get cars in and out of said garage because it is a side entry garage with little runway to actually, you know, BACK UP. So, I’m doing the three-or-more-point turn every time I have to go somewhere. Every time I have to back out of the garage, my car warning sensor things beep and yell at me the whole time because YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! It also will stop the car by itself from even going backwards if I am about to hit something or if a car is coming that it can see before me (technology these days…).

I have the same issue pulling back into the garage, especially when Tim’s car is already there. It’s a tight turn for me to make, and I am already challenged when it comes to moving vehicles into and out of small or awkward spaces.

Since we have moved in, I have managed to do okay. I figured out how to get in and get out and not make a disaster.

Until yesterday.

Maybe I’ll blame it on the super moon. I feel like I need to blame something other than myself because the guilt is too much for me to have to bear alone.

So, yesterday, I’m coming back into the driveway after taking Kellan and Hunter to a Christmas parade, which, by the way, was too loud for Kellan and too exciting for Hunter, who was actually screaming at me and doing the stiff-as-a-board trick to try and get me to put him down every time I scooped him up as he “ran” (as fast as kids who are just learning how to walk can run) out into the street to try and participate. Double time if it was a group playing music or a band. The kid LOVES music.

Finally, Kellan was like, “I think I’m done.” And I was like, “Excellent, me too.” Because I wasn’t sure how much longer Hunter was going to handle *not* being able to be part of something he wasn’t technically invited to participate in.

We drive home, I’m doing my thing, and I knew I would have to maneuver around Tim’s car to get into the garage.

I do that. I think I’m doing pretty well until I hear a loud CRUNCH SCRAPE noise and I was just like OMG.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW, SENSORS?!?

You’d think they’d have been going like crazy because I actually was close enough to hit something and did. But nooooooooooooooo.

I got out and realized I had broken the house and my car. All at the same time.

Tim spent however long trying to fix the garage door and the trim and some kind of weather stripping I pulled out. He managed to get that back in working order, but my car…well lets just say I had to go take it to get assessed for damages this morning.

And boy, it had some damages. $500 worth of damages.

I sent Tim a text to tell him what it was going to cost and he was all, “Ouch, well, it could have been worse.”

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

By the time I was done at the collision place and heading back, Hunter was done and sad and crying and tired. I was trying to get home as quickly as possible because once he loses it in the car, its all over. Loses it is really a nice way of putting it.

I get to our exit, I go to the light to turn right, I slow down and mostly stop and turn and start going on my way when what do I spy behind me but flashing blue lights.

Because of course this is happening right now.

I literally have only had one ticket in my entire life, and it was back in high school.

I pull over into a bank parking lot and the officer gets out of his car and stares into all of the back windows before coming up to mine and is like, “You didn’t make a complete stop at the light to turn right.”

I was just like………….I stopped? And he was all, “It’s the law to make a complete stop, even though nobody does it, but unfortunately I can’t pull everybody over.”

Right. UNFORTUNATELY you can just pull ME over with now two children who are crying after I have just left a place telling me I will owe them $500 plus however much a rental car is going to cost because it’s not like I did one of those fix it in a day type deals. No, when I mess up, I go all out.

There was a woman in a car parked next to me, who couldn’t leave because the cop was blocking her car, and rolled down her window to talk to me and was like, “You do not deserve this! I cannot even believe he pulled you over!”

No kidding.

I wait for forever for this freaking ticket because apparently he has no sense of what it means to have sad kids strapped into carseats.

Kellan was like, “Why can’t you let me out?!”

I was all, “We don’t make sudden movements when police are involved. If I try to get out, trust me, it’ll just make it worse.”

Kellan was not a fan of that answer or of the cavalierness of the cop taking his sweet time, probably trying to find something more on my record…which, sorry to say for him, he won’t, because there is nothing there.

Kellan kept crying and getting more and more worked up because we (*I*) got a ticket and I was just trying to keep it all together like Kellan, it’s fine. It happens. It’s just a ticket.

That didn’t help.

Hunter was past being consoled.

So I just sat there. Feeling helpless and mad and irritated and just like, why me? Why now? WTF FML. Along with any and ever other acronym you can throw in there.

Finally the cop comes back all, “Here is your citation. Blah blah blah you can pay this outright or you can go to court on this date and the judge *might* help you out, but I can’t make any promises…but I’ll be there that day!”

Oh, I’ll bet you will. You and your sunglasses and smug little smile.

After he left the woman was like, “He gave you a ticket?!? For how much?!?! AND points?!?! That is terrible!”

Welcome to my life, woman in the bank parking lot. You will now find me obeying every last detail of every last road sign everywhere in the world forever.

When we were finally able to leave, Kellan was still hysterical and I was just like, “Kellan. We are going to just not talk right now.” Hunter had exhausted himself from screaming and had fallen asleep.

I could barely keep myself in one piece and hold everyone else together, so, quiet time it was for the remainder of the short trip home. Because I was almost home. Almost. Before more rain came pouring down on my money down the drain parade.

When we got back to the house, I sent Tim another text in response to his “it could have been worse” one all, “Yes, well. Guess what? I made it worse. FYI make sure you come to a complete stop everywhere because apparently it’s a hot button for our police here (that’s what the cop told me). So, my Christmas present can now be you paying my freaking ticket.”

In the last 24 hours I have managed to suck every last bit of holly jolly from my soul while racking up over $700 in avoidable things. I mean, it’s not Christmas time without unnecessarily spending a ton of money, right? Well, I think I’ve basically spent three or so Christmases in one day, so I’m out.

 

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I’m here but not *here*

Writing? Who has time for that?!

*raised hand*

You guys. Life is insanity.

Soooooo much happening in a teeny tiny amount of time.

Buuuuuuuut

I am making attempts to post stuff on Instagram over at littlechickenbees.

If you’d like to keep up with the insanity, that is where I’ll be. For the time being, my brain can only manage sharing small snippets of information in square form.

(How’s that for alliteration on a Saturday?)

See you there!!

it’s not you. it was me.

I feel like I should say something but I don't really know what to say?

It's kind of annoying writing things sometimes? Not annoying in that writing is annoying but more like annoying that people I know and am related to read what I'm writing and sometimes don't like what I have to say or how I say it.

That's the annoying part.

Sorry family. Love you but do not love your attempts to put restrictions on what I say. Or your judgement on what I say.

After I took a hiatus from social media for awhile, I guess I kind of realized how ridiculous it really is in the first place. We all know it's the highlight reel. We are, in the whole, either posting THE MOST AMAZING things or THE MOST TERRIBLE things.

Everything else is about food or animals.

amiright???

The last time we moved and I posted a picture of our new house to…I think it was Facebook….pretty sure. Anyway, so I did that and then I head 'round the grapevine that someone I had gone to church with told her mom, who then told my mom, who told me that basically this person was like OMG THAT IS HER HOUSE???? when she saw the picture.

And the OMG part wasn't like wow!!!! But it seemed like it was OMG like OMG. Look at where she is living versus wherever it was they live (because I don't really know).

If was a blatant comparison and it felt like I had inadvertently made that person feel bad.

I didn't like that. I didn't even mean to make anyone feel bad or feel like they weren't accomplishing things in life (which is not true), but I did.

That is the crux of social media and why many people have issues because they see OMG THAT HOUSE! And then they look at their own house, which is probably amazing, and they think they're doing life wrong.

And they aren't.

They don't know all the things about that house that were nuisances or problems (hello ants that never went away and an awful monkey inspired bathroom we had to redo and an air conditioner that could. not. keep. up. in the summer).

All they saw was a picture and that was it. An instant assumption: She lives in this amazing house!!!!! Why not me????

I'm probably making way more out of this than what actually happened, but that it happened really stuck with me.

You do you.

I'll do me.

We will both be awesome at it.

I don't want to do something or say something or post something that might make someone else feel less than they actually are. We are all amazing and unique and walk our own path.

Do I suffer from the grass is greener syndrome sometimes?

Of course.

I think that's part of human nature.

However, I am also realizing that the grass will never be greener than where you are currently standing. You might think it will be, but in truth it can only be greener if you're the one watering your own damn grass instead of staring at someone else's.

That's why I continue to keep any social media I post at a minimum. Do I want to share our house?

Yes!

Will I?

Maybe.

I think I have to kind of get over what others think. I know that I cannot control how others think. I know that there is nothing wrong with being proud of something you have done and sharing that success.

It's hard for me to do that. It always has been.

If someone ever asks about me and basketball I'll be like, "Yes, I played in college."

If Tim is there, he will tack on all, "What?! You were inducted into the hall of fame!….pshhhh you played in college! You were amazing!"

I don't know where the line of humility should fall, but my personal one tends to be on the side where less is shared versus more.

Maybe that's why I don't share as much?

I mean, I have always been that way. I'm actually just now realizing that the reason I never had any friends in school was probably my fault.

I was always really quiet but I had the classic resting bitch face. Not intentionally, that's just how my face looks when I am not actively participating in anything.

I always thought no one liked me because I was quiet but I really think it was more no one wanted to talk to me because I acted like stuck up snob.

I probably gave off that vibe and really it was just me being insecure and not knowing how to properly open up and make a friend.

It's sad because I am sure I missed out on a lot of really fun friendships and super awesome people…and there's nothing I can do about that now, except not be that way going forward, making new friendships.

So, if you're reading this and you know me in real life, mainly the high school and college days….it wasn't you. It was me. You are awesome and I just didn't know how to be a friend.

I've finally had the self realization.

It only took…..forever.

THE HOUSE

Our realtor is probably sick and tired of us at this point. We've been together for almost three months through I don't even know how many showings in five different surrounding towns, countless phone calls and emails, last minute "we want to see this house asap texts, three failed contracts, and soon to be two full blown home inspections.

She says she doesn't mind. I feel like she's just really good at her job. As in pretending we are excellent company even though we probably have a special ring tone that sounds something like a really annoying rooster.

We have a fourth contract on another house that I'm sure she is hoping and praying will work out so we can all just go our separate ways and then she can be all YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST WENT THROUGH WITH THESE PEOPLE.

And really, we've had things happen this go 'round that have been just weird and crazy and honestly WTF.

We are all ready for that day when we can be all, "You better sit down and grab a drink because YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS."

The haha funny but not really is that this house has been on the market all along. Through every house and failed contract and hours of searching MLS listings.

And there it was, just waiting, waving its hand frantically in the air like, "Pick me! Pick me!

We actually drove through the neighborhood about a month ago to look at a few of the houses for sale, including that one, and I was all, "No. I don't not want to live in this town. The backyard is too sloped. There's nothing here."

So that was the end of that until we ran out of choices and Tim was all, "We are out of choices. I'm going to go see of this house is okay before we drag everybody out there."

And by "this one" he meant a house a few doors down from the house we ended up loving.

He even asked if he should see the other house just because he was there and we were both like nahhhhh.

That was last Monday.

By Friday, I sent a text to our agent and said, "Let's go see this one (the one we had rejected twice now). Here we go again."

I say again because it was in the town I didn't want to be in and a house I didn't really want to see. But we had nothing else to look at. We had exhausted our options.

I think we have seen at least 25-30 homes, more if you count the ones we just drove by to see if we liked the area.

This is no small feat with two little ones and nap times and people who don't like being in the car, ever (here's lookin' at you, Hunter).

We had five houses to see on Saturday and the twice rejected house was the first on the list.

After walking in, I didn't want to go see any others.

This was IT.

This was THE HOUSE.

WHY DID IT TAKE US SO LONG TO SEE IT???

You guys. The room that will be Kellan's bedroom has this little reading nook they made by finishing off a small space behind a dormer window. It even has its own air conditioning vent, which hello, perfect for my book loving little furnace that is Kellan.

They had a perfect mix of living space and storage space in the basement.

They took care of their house.

You can tell when someone loves their home and keeps it nice versus someone who doesn't. We have seen and "felt" the insides of enough houses to know the difference.

This house was loved.

We walked around looking to see if there was anything that was amiss….and there wasn't. The storage space was even immaculate.

I almost left a note on the kitchen counter on the back of one of the flyers about the home that just said WE LOVE YOUR HOUSE.

Because we really, really did.

We told our agent we wanted to make an offer……and then we had to go see the rest of the houses on our list.

I didn't want to see anything else. I was done. But Tim was all, "We need to keep our options open because three failed contracts."

So, fine. Off we went.

In the middle of all of the driving and seeing the other houses, our agent was all, "Hard sell after seeing that one, huh?"

Well, yah. Obviously.

And then she told us that she called the other agent and someone else had already made an offer on the house that was perfect for us, but the owners weren't happy with the offer and weren't tied to it.

Small sigh of relief?

I mean we could have avoided this had we gone to look at this house the other two times we decided not to. We just like to add unnecessary drama to our lives, apparently.

After we sent in our offer, the other agent said he had to go back to the people who made the initial offer to see if they wanted to change anything or offer more money.

More waiting drama.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

And then finallllllly!!!!

We received the documents to sign to get a contract going to start the process of moving into the house that we knew was THE ONE.

(There was also a third offer mixed in there but whew. We beat them to the punch)

And then yesterday, it happened….

Wait…small sidebar first.

When we moved into our Arkansas house, we knew it was a house that had been loved. You can just tell. And we also loved that house. That has been our most favorite house ever and when we found out we were moving, we wanted to sell it to someone who would love it as much as we did.

Somehow, the right people found and bought our house. They had actually wanted to buy it when we did, but for whatever reason they didn't or we put the offer in first, I have no idea.

After they closed on it, they sent us a text asking some questions and when I responded I told them I hoped they enjoyed the house as much as we did.

Their response?

WE LOVE THIS HOUSE.

They also knew all of the previous owners (except us).

The universe made sure the right people bought our house and will love it and take care of it.

That's exactly what we wanted.

It sounds silly because it's just a house, but a house holds so many memories and important events in people's lives and there is a totally different feel when you are in a happy house.

End sidebar.

Yesterday, our realtor was over at the house because she had to let in an inspector and the family was there finishing up getting the last things out.

The wife came up to her and asked if she was the new owner. Our realtor said no and the wife went on to say that she said she had just felt connection with us/our offer, even though they had three offers.

She said that she was hoping I would be there because she really wanted to meet me to tell me about the neighborhood and show me where the kids lived and talk to me about the house and where they spent their time.

She asked our realtor if it was against the rules to ask about us or what age our kids were and gave her all of her contact information to give to me.

She hoped we would love it as much as they did and they were sad to leave.

They loved their home.

This is why that house felt like it was THE HOUSE the minute we walked in. It is the same kind of house we cherished in Arkansas and the same kind of house we have been searching for since we have been here.

The universe put this house in our path even though we rejected it more than once.

We should all know by now that if the universe is trying to get you to a place, you will get there. It will happen.

All of the failed contracts and wrong houses and inspection issues and driving everywhere and endless searching and feeling defeated over and over and over again.

It all led to this house.

The house that we were supposed to have all along.

I am so happy and excited about moving in.

It feels right.

It's perfect.

It's THE HOUSE.