my last 24 hours is crap

Let’s just jump right in and talk about how I want to redo the last 24 hours, shall we? I am so mad at myself and feel like such an idiot that I may as well just share it. Sharing is caring. And in this sense, hopefully cathartic because I was legit crying along with Kellan *and* Hunter on the way home.

Let me back up a minute…

So, yesterday…..no. Wait. Let me start with what’s really going on here, other than my apparent inability to not make ridiculous mistakes.

So, when we bought our house, we knew we had a small garage. It is a two-car garage but it is just BARELY a two-car garage. And the thing we didn’t know was how awkward it would be to get cars in and out of said garage because it is a side entry garage with little runway to actually, you know, BACK UP. So, I’m doing the three-or-more-point turn every time I have to go somewhere. Every time I have to back out of the garage, my car warning sensor things beep and yell at me the whole time because YOU’RE TOO CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! It also will stop the car by itself from even going backwards if I am about to hit something or if a car is coming that it can see before me (technology these days…).

I have the same issue pulling back into the garage, especially when Tim’s car is already there. It’s a tight turn for me to make, and I am already challenged when it comes to moving vehicles into and out of small or awkward spaces.

Since we have moved in, I have managed to do okay. I figured out how to get in and get out and not make a disaster.

Until yesterday.

Maybe I’ll blame it on the super moon. I feel like I need to blame something other than myself because the guilt is too much for me to have to bear alone.

So, yesterday, I’m coming back into the driveway after taking Kellan and Hunter to a Christmas parade, which, by the way, was too loud for Kellan and too exciting for Hunter, who was actually screaming at me and doing the stiff-as-a-board trick to try and get me to put him down every time I scooped him up as he “ran” (as fast as kids who are just learning how to walk can run) out into the street to try and participate. Double time if it was a group playing music or a band. The kid LOVES music.

Finally, Kellan was like, “I think I’m done.” And I was like, “Excellent, me too.” Because I wasn’t sure how much longer Hunter was going to handle *not* being able to be part of something he wasn’t technically invited to participate in.

We drive home, I’m doing my thing, and I knew I would have to maneuver around Tim’s car to get into the garage.

I do that. I think I’m doing pretty well until I hear a loud CRUNCH SCRAPE noise and I was just like OMG.

WHERE ARE YOU NOW, SENSORS?!?

You’d think they’d have been going like crazy because I actually was close enough to hit something and did. But nooooooooooooooo.

I got out and realized I had broken the house and my car. All at the same time.

Tim spent however long trying to fix the garage door and the trim and some kind of weather stripping I pulled out. He managed to get that back in working order, but my car…well lets just say I had to go take it to get assessed for damages this morning.

And boy, it had some damages. $500 worth of damages.

I sent Tim a text to tell him what it was going to cost and he was all, “Ouch, well, it could have been worse.”

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

By the time I was done at the collision place and heading back, Hunter was done and sad and crying and tired. I was trying to get home as quickly as possible because once he loses it in the car, its all over. Loses it is really a nice way of putting it.

I get to our exit, I go to the light to turn right, I slow down and mostly stop and turn and start going on my way when what do I spy behind me but flashing blue lights.

Because of course this is happening right now.

I literally have only had one ticket in my entire life, and it was back in high school.

I pull over into a bank parking lot and the officer gets out of his car and stares into all of the back windows before coming up to mine and is like, “You didn’t make a complete stop at the light to turn right.”

I was just like………….I stopped? And he was all, “It’s the law to make a complete stop, even though nobody does it, but unfortunately I can’t pull everybody over.”

Right. UNFORTUNATELY you can just pull ME over with now two children who are crying after I have just left a place telling me I will owe them $500 plus however much a rental car is going to cost because it’s not like I did one of those fix it in a day type deals. No, when I mess up, I go all out.

There was a woman in a car parked next to me, who couldn’t leave because the cop was blocking her car, and rolled down her window to talk to me and was like, “You do not deserve this! I cannot even believe he pulled you over!”

No kidding.

I wait for forever for this freaking ticket because apparently he has no sense of what it means to have sad kids strapped into carseats.

Kellan was like, “Why can’t you let me out?!”

I was all, “We don’t make sudden movements when police are involved. If I try to get out, trust me, it’ll just make it worse.”

Kellan was not a fan of that answer or of the cavalierness of the cop taking his sweet time, probably trying to find something more on my record…which, sorry to say for him, he won’t, because there is nothing there.

Kellan kept crying and getting more and more worked up because we (*I*) got a ticket and I was just trying to keep it all together like Kellan, it’s fine. It happens. It’s just a ticket.

That didn’t help.

Hunter was past being consoled.

So I just sat there. Feeling helpless and mad and irritated and just like, why me? Why now? WTF FML. Along with any and ever other acronym you can throw in there.

Finally the cop comes back all, “Here is your citation. Blah blah blah you can pay this outright or you can go to court on this date and the judge *might* help you out, but I can’t make any promises…but I’ll be there that day!”

Oh, I’ll bet you will. You and your sunglasses and smug little smile.

After he left the woman was like, “He gave you a ticket?!? For how much?!?! AND points?!?! That is terrible!”

Welcome to my life, woman in the bank parking lot. You will now find me obeying every last detail of every last road sign everywhere in the world forever.

When we were finally able to leave, Kellan was still hysterical and I was just like, “Kellan. We are going to just not talk right now.” Hunter had exhausted himself from screaming and had fallen asleep.

I could barely keep myself in one piece and hold everyone else together, so, quiet time it was for the remainder of the short trip home. Because I was almost home. Almost. Before more rain came pouring down on my money down the drain parade.

When we got back to the house, I sent Tim another text in response to his “it could have been worse” one all, “Yes, well. Guess what? I made it worse. FYI make sure you come to a complete stop everywhere because apparently it’s a hot button for our police here (that’s what the cop told me). So, my Christmas present can now be you paying my freaking ticket.”

In the last 24 hours I have managed to suck every last bit of holly jolly from my soul while racking up over $700 in avoidable things. I mean, it’s not Christmas time without unnecessarily spending a ton of money, right? Well, I think I’ve basically spent three or so Christmases in one day, so I’m out.

 

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apples and bees

Remember how in the very beginning I said we’d definitely talk about bees?

Well, here we go.

For whatever reason, the things that stick in my mind are always fruit related. That or we just have a lot of drama around fruit.

Really I can’t decide which it is. But it’s definitely one of those.

So, we had our first apple picking adventure the other weekend.

Before I start, I just need to let you allllllll know *for the record* that bees and wasps and any kind of flying thing that stings or bites like to swarm me.

Apparently I am the most amazing, vibrant, fragrant flower in the history of botany.

Except I’m a person.

Who doesn’t like being swarmed by things that sting.

So, our day starts like any other picture perfect instagrammable nostalgic apple orchard experience. We have a wooden basket. A wagon. Birds singing their morning songs. Crisp, cool air smelling of wet dew and new life. The sun trying to burn through the early morning fog. Laughing kids and a muddy dirt road leading to a lush green orchard filled with rows upon rows of trees, all teeming with apples. Rolling hills giving way to mountains in the background.

Kellan was over the moon excited. Wide eyed and full of wonder. He could just walk up to a tree and pluck off an apple and keep it. Just like that.

Hunter wanted to eat gum them and “clap” two together, much to Kellan’s chagrin, as he was trying to only select the most perfect apples.

As we were going up and down the rows in the orchard, Kellan kept stopping and going to different trees because there were <record scratch> yellow jackets everywhere. They were mostly on the ground around all of the fallen apples.

Tim was completely nonchalant like Kellan. Pick the apples. The bees don’t care. They don’t see you as a threat. They don’t feel any competition.

They aren’t going to come after your apples.

There are plenty of apples everywhere.

Decomposing ones on the ground.

Fresh ones all over the trees.

Apples for everybody and every bee.

And for the most part, that was factual.

The bees stayed out of the way.

That is, until the veeeeery end when I decide to try an apple.

I mean, what happened was the reality of our situation suddenly dawned on me.

We were picking all of these apples and filling a huge basket and we had no idea what they even tasted like.

What if they were terrible?

What if we didn’t like them?

What did we even do if we didn’t like them?……

As a responsible adult, I needed to take one for the team. I was not about to bring a shame bucket to the register like we didn’t try before we picked and now here’s a whole pile of apples…..

So, as we were walking to some new trees, I plucked a glistening red apple off a branch while I was holding Hunter (because bees on the ground plus crawling child is not a desirable combo).

I took a bite and then let Hunter have a “bite” (because gums and also because this kid wants to try and eat everything).

YOU. GUYS.

It was the most delicious piece of fruit I have ever had in my entire life. If this was what the apple tasted like that Eve ate, I really can’t blame her. Girl couldn’t help herself.

Neither could the bees.

Right before I took another bite, a yellow jacket flew onto it. And then it decided Hunter’s shirt right below his chin was an amazing place to forage.

Drool plus apple juice. Bee magnet. FYI.

So here I am…..having this debate in my head….what to do….what to do….

Hunter in one arm, a chin drop away from experiencing the really shocking reality about bees….and in the other hand, the most extraordinary apple I have ever had in my entire life.

During this internal debate, my apple was sending some invisible signal to every bee within a ten mile radius. TRY ME. EAT ME. HERE I AM. FIND THE CRAZY WOMAN WITH THE BABY.

What to do…….what to do…….

I’ll tell you exactly what I did.

AHHHHHHHHHH THERE’S A BEE!!!! IT’S ON HUNTER’S SHIRT!!! HELP!!!!!! BEE!!!!!!

MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

Tim ran over from picking apples with Kellan a few trees down and started calmly tying to blow the bee off of Hunter’s shirt.

Obviously, I was not able to help other than by holding the apple in the air as far away from Hunter as possible and yelling THAT’S NOT WORKING! IT WON’T LEAVE!

Finally, after Tim had had enough of my bee panic dance, he looks at me and is like, “Seriously woman. JUST DROP THE APPLE. OMG. You’re waving around a torch like a maniac and wondering why the whole room is on fire!”

I hesitated…then I tossed it away. I watched it roll under a nearby tree and I looked over at Tim and whined all, “You don’t understand. That was the best apple in the whole world. It really didn’t deserve that.”

But you guys.

I really really really wanted to eat that apple.

I wanted to eat that apple more than anything I have ever wanted to eat in my whole life. More than the forgotten piece of wedding cake our coordinator neglected put in our bag on our wedding night. And let me tell you I have never been more disappointed to open a container expecting cake and seeing chicken. Chicken! We painstakingly put that cake together flavor by flavor, layer by layer. And then to not even get to sit and devour it in gluttonous glory….it was a sad night that I still think about periodically, mourning over the cake I’ll never get to have.

All of this is to say that I wanted that apple more than I wanted that cake.

And I had to throw it.

I’m here but not *here*

Writing? Who has time for that?!

*raised hand*

You guys. Life is insanity.

Soooooo much happening in a teeny tiny amount of time.

Buuuuuuuut

I am making attempts to post stuff on Instagram over at littlechickenbees.

If you’d like to keep up with the insanity, that is where I’ll be. For the time being, my brain can only manage sharing small snippets of information in square form.

(How’s that for alliteration on a Saturday?)

See you there!!

the grapetastrophy

Some of you may have been around for the $20 watermelon….or maybe you forgot about the $20 watermelon.

Either way, I'll wait for you to refresh your memory or make a new one. It's important to have this background knowledge.

Ready?

Here we go.

Apparently, history repeats itself in the produce department. We like to find the things that are ridiculously expensive without realizing it until after we make it through the checkout.

And by that point, knowing how Tim refuses to be shamed by fruit, it's too late.

I partially blame this particular expenditure on doing the GET IT AND GET OUT mad dash that was grocery shopping on Saturday. We were dealing with a baby who wanted to graze any and all items within reach, edible or not, and a child who wanted to be in charge of the grocery list and got upset if we didn't go line by line down the list versus in order of what each aisle had.

I tried to explain how it would not be efficient to go back and forth, up and down the same aisles over and over again, but I don't think it really sank in. At all.

Why, you ask? Well, I was talking to Kellan AND Tim at the same time about completely different things, so instead of giving an important, coherent lesson, it sounded more like, "We need to get all of the things…DID YOU GET THE BREAD?….all of the things in one aisle without having to…YES TWO LOAVES….without having to go back and….ALSO GRAB SOME MILK….forth…MILK? THE HAPPY COW KIND…I know the list isn't in order….YES A WHOLE GALLON….I didn't have time to put it in order….Kellan did you check off bread and milk??

I usually organize the list by aisle but we made one on the fly *as* we drove to the store from a park. I realized we were close to Whole Foods and made a split second decision to go as we drove out of the parking lot.

Looking back, we probably made a whole bunch of errors that led to this expenditure, but hey. That's how we roll. Sometimes. Most of the time….goodbyeeeeee type a trying to take over.

Anyway, Kellan wanted to be in charge of checking things off the list and Hunter wanted to be held and sample anything, whether we put we put it in the cart or not. Kid eats everything. All the time. By the time we left it looked like Hunter had gone into battle with a buffet table and lost…handily.

So, anyhow, the entire time we are grocery shopping my brain is in four places at once and really I cannot ever concentrate fully on one thing. I walk around feeling hectic. I don't know any other way to describe it. I actually feel hectic. Like a swirling dervish of questions and items and what was I doings.

After we filled our cart with mostly things not even on the list (which Kellan protested and then added to the list because details are important, people), I left Tim to handle the checking out on his own. I decided I was getting a smoothie because I was starving.

Kellan spent this time running back and forth between the two of us (straight shot, visible the whole time) to relay information.

Mommy is getting a smoothie.

Daddy asked what size smoothie.

Twelve ounces.

What's in this bag?

Cookies.

Apparently an hour long hike wasn't enough to wear him out.

By the time we got everybody and everything strapped into the car, we sat in the front seats and just stared at each other like what even just happened? Did we even buy anything on the list?

Tim then started going down the receipt to see what all of the "high ticket" items were. Apparently he didn't get to watch the register during checkout, so this was his way of doing it…albeit after the fact.

"What was $10.81??"

He traced his finger along the dotted lines ……what is this……GRAPES?

We bought $10.81 worth of GRAPES???

How many packages of grapes did we buy??

I looked at him all, "One."

This was too much information…or maybe too little information, for Tim.

Why on earth were they ten dollars??? What kind of grapes are ten dollars???

They were organic?

(Apparently that's my go to excuse for expensive produce)

Tim stuffed the receipt in the cup holder all, "These $10 grapes are right on par with that $20 watermelon."

In its defense, it was a really good watermelon….

He kept going under his breath all, "They better be really fantastic grapes for $10. TEN DOLLARS. For grapes!"

And he left it at that until we got home and I tried a few of the grapes.

I looked at him and smiled and said, "These are really good grapes! Totally worth the $10!"

(Because they actually really were)

Tim looks at me dead in the eye and says, "I better not see one. single. grape. in the trash. Not a one!"

Produce: 2
Tim: 0

it’s not you. it was me.

I feel like I should say something but I don't really know what to say?

It's kind of annoying writing things sometimes? Not annoying in that writing is annoying but more like annoying that people I know and am related to read what I'm writing and sometimes don't like what I have to say or how I say it.

That's the annoying part.

Sorry family. Love you but do not love your attempts to put restrictions on what I say. Or your judgement on what I say.

After I took a hiatus from social media for awhile, I guess I kind of realized how ridiculous it really is in the first place. We all know it's the highlight reel. We are, in the whole, either posting THE MOST AMAZING things or THE MOST TERRIBLE things.

Everything else is about food or animals.

amiright???

The last time we moved and I posted a picture of our new house to…I think it was Facebook….pretty sure. Anyway, so I did that and then I head 'round the grapevine that someone I had gone to church with told her mom, who then told my mom, who told me that basically this person was like OMG THAT IS HER HOUSE???? when she saw the picture.

And the OMG part wasn't like wow!!!! But it seemed like it was OMG like OMG. Look at where she is living versus wherever it was they live (because I don't really know).

If was a blatant comparison and it felt like I had inadvertently made that person feel bad.

I didn't like that. I didn't even mean to make anyone feel bad or feel like they weren't accomplishing things in life (which is not true), but I did.

That is the crux of social media and why many people have issues because they see OMG THAT HOUSE! And then they look at their own house, which is probably amazing, and they think they're doing life wrong.

And they aren't.

They don't know all the things about that house that were nuisances or problems (hello ants that never went away and an awful monkey inspired bathroom we had to redo and an air conditioner that could. not. keep. up. in the summer).

All they saw was a picture and that was it. An instant assumption: She lives in this amazing house!!!!! Why not me????

I'm probably making way more out of this than what actually happened, but that it happened really stuck with me.

You do you.

I'll do me.

We will both be awesome at it.

I don't want to do something or say something or post something that might make someone else feel less than they actually are. We are all amazing and unique and walk our own path.

Do I suffer from the grass is greener syndrome sometimes?

Of course.

I think that's part of human nature.

However, I am also realizing that the grass will never be greener than where you are currently standing. You might think it will be, but in truth it can only be greener if you're the one watering your own damn grass instead of staring at someone else's.

That's why I continue to keep any social media I post at a minimum. Do I want to share our house?

Yes!

Will I?

Maybe.

I think I have to kind of get over what others think. I know that I cannot control how others think. I know that there is nothing wrong with being proud of something you have done and sharing that success.

It's hard for me to do that. It always has been.

If someone ever asks about me and basketball I'll be like, "Yes, I played in college."

If Tim is there, he will tack on all, "What?! You were inducted into the hall of fame!….pshhhh you played in college! You were amazing!"

I don't know where the line of humility should fall, but my personal one tends to be on the side where less is shared versus more.

Maybe that's why I don't share as much?

I mean, I have always been that way. I'm actually just now realizing that the reason I never had any friends in school was probably my fault.

I was always really quiet but I had the classic resting bitch face. Not intentionally, that's just how my face looks when I am not actively participating in anything.

I always thought no one liked me because I was quiet but I really think it was more no one wanted to talk to me because I acted like stuck up snob.

I probably gave off that vibe and really it was just me being insecure and not knowing how to properly open up and make a friend.

It's sad because I am sure I missed out on a lot of really fun friendships and super awesome people…and there's nothing I can do about that now, except not be that way going forward, making new friendships.

So, if you're reading this and you know me in real life, mainly the high school and college days….it wasn't you. It was me. You are awesome and I just didn't know how to be a friend.

I've finally had the self realization.

It only took…..forever.