I’m here but not *here*

Writing? Who has time for that?!

*raised hand*

You guys. Life is insanity.

Soooooo much happening in a teeny tiny amount of time.

Buuuuuuuut

I am making attempts to post stuff on Instagram over at littlechickenbees.

If you’d like to keep up with the insanity, that is where I’ll be. For the time being, my brain can only manage sharing small snippets of information in square form.

(How’s that for alliteration on a Saturday?)

See you there!!

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the grapetastrophy

Some of you may have been around for the $20 watermelon….or maybe you forgot about the $20 watermelon.

Either way, I'll wait for you to refresh your memory or make a new one. It's important to have this background knowledge.

Ready?

Here we go.

Apparently, history repeats itself in the produce department. We like to find the things that are ridiculously expensive without realizing it until after we make it through the checkout.

And by that point, knowing how Tim refuses to be shamed by fruit, it's too late.

I partially blame this particular expenditure on doing the GET IT AND GET OUT mad dash that was grocery shopping on Saturday. We were dealing with a baby who wanted to graze any and all items within reach, edible or not, and a child who wanted to be in charge of the grocery list and got upset if we didn't go line by line down the list versus in order of what each aisle had.

I tried to explain how it would not be efficient to go back and forth, up and down the same aisles over and over again, but I don't think it really sank in. At all.

Why, you ask? Well, I was talking to Kellan AND Tim at the same time about completely different things, so instead of giving an important, coherent lesson, it sounded more like, "We need to get all of the things…DID YOU GET THE BREAD?….all of the things in one aisle without having to…YES TWO LOAVES….without having to go back and….ALSO GRAB SOME MILK….forth…MILK? THE HAPPY COW KIND…I know the list isn't in order….YES A WHOLE GALLON….I didn't have time to put it in order….Kellan did you check off bread and milk??

I usually organize the list by aisle but we made one on the fly *as* we drove to the store from a park. I realized we were close to Whole Foods and made a split second decision to go as we drove out of the parking lot.

Looking back, we probably made a whole bunch of errors that led to this expenditure, but hey. That's how we roll. Sometimes. Most of the time….goodbyeeeeee type a trying to take over.

Anyway, Kellan wanted to be in charge of checking things off the list and Hunter wanted to be held and sample anything, whether we put we put it in the cart or not. Kid eats everything. All the time. By the time we left it looked like Hunter had gone into battle with a buffet table and lost…handily.

So, anyhow, the entire time we are grocery shopping my brain is in four places at once and really I cannot ever concentrate fully on one thing. I walk around feeling hectic. I don't know any other way to describe it. I actually feel hectic. Like a swirling dervish of questions and items and what was I doings.

After we filled our cart with mostly things not even on the list (which Kellan protested and then added to the list because details are important, people), I left Tim to handle the checking out on his own. I decided I was getting a smoothie because I was starving.

Kellan spent this time running back and forth between the two of us (straight shot, visible the whole time) to relay information.

Mommy is getting a smoothie.

Daddy asked what size smoothie.

Twelve ounces.

What's in this bag?

Cookies.

Apparently an hour long hike wasn't enough to wear him out.

By the time we got everybody and everything strapped into the car, we sat in the front seats and just stared at each other like what even just happened? Did we even buy anything on the list?

Tim then started going down the receipt to see what all of the "high ticket" items were. Apparently he didn't get to watch the register during checkout, so this was his way of doing it…albeit after the fact.

"What was $10.81??"

He traced his finger along the dotted lines ……what is this……GRAPES?

We bought $10.81 worth of GRAPES???

How many packages of grapes did we buy??

I looked at him all, "One."

This was too much information…or maybe too little information, for Tim.

Why on earth were they ten dollars??? What kind of grapes are ten dollars???

They were organic?

(Apparently that's my go to excuse for expensive produce)

Tim stuffed the receipt in the cup holder all, "These $10 grapes are right on par with that $20 watermelon."

In its defense, it was a really good watermelon….

He kept going under his breath all, "They better be really fantastic grapes for $10. TEN DOLLARS. For grapes!"

And he left it at that until we got home and I tried a few of the grapes.

I looked at him and smiled and said, "These are really good grapes! Totally worth the $10!"

(Because they actually really were)

Tim looks at me dead in the eye and says, "I better not see one. single. grape. in the trash. Not a one!"

Produce: 2
Tim: 0

it’s not you. it was me.

I feel like I should say something but I don't really know what to say?

It's kind of annoying writing things sometimes? Not annoying in that writing is annoying but more like annoying that people I know and am related to read what I'm writing and sometimes don't like what I have to say or how I say it.

That's the annoying part.

Sorry family. Love you but do not love your attempts to put restrictions on what I say. Or your judgement on what I say.

After I took a hiatus from social media for awhile, I guess I kind of realized how ridiculous it really is in the first place. We all know it's the highlight reel. We are, in the whole, either posting THE MOST AMAZING things or THE MOST TERRIBLE things.

Everything else is about food or animals.

amiright???

The last time we moved and I posted a picture of our new house to…I think it was Facebook….pretty sure. Anyway, so I did that and then I head 'round the grapevine that someone I had gone to church with told her mom, who then told my mom, who told me that basically this person was like OMG THAT IS HER HOUSE???? when she saw the picture.

And the OMG part wasn't like wow!!!! But it seemed like it was OMG like OMG. Look at where she is living versus wherever it was they live (because I don't really know).

If was a blatant comparison and it felt like I had inadvertently made that person feel bad.

I didn't like that. I didn't even mean to make anyone feel bad or feel like they weren't accomplishing things in life (which is not true), but I did.

That is the crux of social media and why many people have issues because they see OMG THAT HOUSE! And then they look at their own house, which is probably amazing, and they think they're doing life wrong.

And they aren't.

They don't know all the things about that house that were nuisances or problems (hello ants that never went away and an awful monkey inspired bathroom we had to redo and an air conditioner that could. not. keep. up. in the summer).

All they saw was a picture and that was it. An instant assumption: She lives in this amazing house!!!!! Why not me????

I'm probably making way more out of this than what actually happened, but that it happened really stuck with me.

You do you.

I'll do me.

We will both be awesome at it.

I don't want to do something or say something or post something that might make someone else feel less than they actually are. We are all amazing and unique and walk our own path.

Do I suffer from the grass is greener syndrome sometimes?

Of course.

I think that's part of human nature.

However, I am also realizing that the grass will never be greener than where you are currently standing. You might think it will be, but in truth it can only be greener if you're the one watering your own damn grass instead of staring at someone else's.

That's why I continue to keep any social media I post at a minimum. Do I want to share our house?

Yes!

Will I?

Maybe.

I think I have to kind of get over what others think. I know that I cannot control how others think. I know that there is nothing wrong with being proud of something you have done and sharing that success.

It's hard for me to do that. It always has been.

If someone ever asks about me and basketball I'll be like, "Yes, I played in college."

If Tim is there, he will tack on all, "What?! You were inducted into the hall of fame!….pshhhh you played in college! You were amazing!"

I don't know where the line of humility should fall, but my personal one tends to be on the side where less is shared versus more.

Maybe that's why I don't share as much?

I mean, I have always been that way. I'm actually just now realizing that the reason I never had any friends in school was probably my fault.

I was always really quiet but I had the classic resting bitch face. Not intentionally, that's just how my face looks when I am not actively participating in anything.

I always thought no one liked me because I was quiet but I really think it was more no one wanted to talk to me because I acted like stuck up snob.

I probably gave off that vibe and really it was just me being insecure and not knowing how to properly open up and make a friend.

It's sad because I am sure I missed out on a lot of really fun friendships and super awesome people…and there's nothing I can do about that now, except not be that way going forward, making new friendships.

So, if you're reading this and you know me in real life, mainly the high school and college days….it wasn't you. It was me. You are awesome and I just didn't know how to be a friend.

I've finally had the self realization.

It only took…..forever.